9 months of living hell
by Bitenshi
Summary: When Neji comes back injured from his mission, Tsunade founds something shocking. Neji's pregnant! How will Nejis companions deal with it? ¤Insane humor. Blame the sugardrunk. Vote for pairings!¤
1. I am WHAT?

Bite: ahem Hah, I stricke again! This is my second fiction here, people! I hope I will now know how to use this chapter-thingy… :scrathes her head: Okey dokey! Now, I wanna have reviews. GOOD ONES. And flamers, please enjoy of flaming. I will be happy to have any kind of comment.

Neji:snort: Yeah right!

Bite: Neji will just eat the flamers…

Neji: I will not! I'm not an animal:pout:

Bite:sigh: Whatever. Do the disclaimer you baka.

Neji:evil grin: Nope.

Bite: WHAT?

Neji: I want you to get lawyers on your heels:grumble: Doing such a fiction…

Bite: Oh shut up, goldy locks. Or do you want me to write some of those NejiSasus again!

Neji: You will do it anyway… But whattheheck…

**Thelegal DISCLAIMER by Hyuuga Neji:**

Neji:sweatdrop: Wich you do not own… :suffels trough some papers and turns to the croud: This little creature does NOT own any part of Naruto -animes charecters. All these charecters in this story are made by Kishimoto Masashi, and no other. They belong to him, Shounen Jump, and of course TV Tokyo. But mostly to Kishimoto-sama. This just a fiction.SO IT IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING INTHE SERIES.:points the writer: This THING makes these THINGIES to just make her self (and her sister and friend) laugh. :grumble: But it is NOT funny…

Bite: Shaddap you… Oh, and buy the way. The talking when they are behind the door and the rest from it is made by my dear beloved big sister Jammu. She's really good isn't she:smile: And I want to thank Arnold "Governator" Schwarzenegger. He made a perfect at the "Junior" and it took me to write THIS...

Neji: I hate you...

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**9 MONTHS OF LIVING HELL**

Neji hummed in his mind, while Sakura cured the wounds in his body and Tsunade was humming too, while inspecting his lower back. He, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Naruto had had a mission to destroy this KinJutsu lab, but while doing so, some sort of a Jutsu had hit him and now there was this weird mark on his lower back... and he had a baaaad feeling about it.

"Well?" Neji asked and moved his now cured fingers, wich were just broken.

Tsunade let out a long 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmm'-sound and closed the book in her lap. "I do not regocnise this mark… we have to do couple of tests, I'm sure I can figure it out then…" the woman muttered the most to herself, than Neji. The boy shrugged and leaned his cheek in his arm.

Great… JUST what he needed.

When Sakura had taken the spit and blood sample, and nipped of some of his precious hair (note to self: kill the pink later.), the girl left and Tsunade started to to test Nejis eyes whit a little flaslight (what do they call them..? Answer!).

"An original Hyuuga reaction to the light… Yosh, activate your byakugan", Tsunade said, as Neji oybeyed the word. "Is your eyesight normal?" she asked.

"Hai." "And the seeing-trough?" "Hai, normal." "Rigth, say aa!"

Neji opened his mouth, and Tsunade sticked a wooden stick in Hyuugas mouth. Tsunade hummed to herself, while se inspected Nejis mouth.

"Hohahhe-hama…"

"Hmm…?"

"I chah bweeh!"

"Gomen", Tsunade apologized and changed the stick in to a heatmeter, causing Neji to cough like he was dying. "Yare, yare…" Tsunade muttered and went digging the drawers, as Neji rolled the meter in his mouth. Just a moment and Tsunade pulled it off and looked at the rate. "Normal." The meter flew and hit the desk. Tsunade grinned, as she took a large glass behind her back.

"Okey! You have to fill this up!"

Neji stared at the glass, with a doubting look on him. "With what?" he asked and Tsunade pushed the glass in Nejis hand. "Try to figure out yourself, midget. The bathroom is that way!"

Neji sighed deepily. 'Man I hate doctors…'

)-(-)-(

Neji rolled his thumbs, as Tsunade glanced over the testresults. The woman sighed and Sakura took her notebook and pencil out of her pocket.

"Well, no bloodpoisonings, your DNA hasn't changed, youre bloodline limit works perfectly and you are in a very good shape…" Tsunade explainde, as Sakura wrote down her words. Neji on the other hand was very concentrated to listen the fun buzzing on his head.

"So, everything is fine by that way…" Tsunade mumbled and took a look on the test tube on her hand. It contained blue liquid. Tsunaeds eyes seemed like to pop out frome her head, as she looked Neji with a clear suprise on her face.

"Buuuuuuut… Congratulations, you're pregnant."

CRACK!

Sakura broke her pen and the notebook dropped on to the floor, with a loud rattle. Neji nodded first, but then he frowned. He took some hair out from the front of his ear and coughed a bit.

"Pardon?"

)-(-)-(

Behind the door, was a group of more or less agonized looking boys.

"Shikamaru, you're standing on my hand!" "Shh! Don't start to cry you big baby, I can't hear what they're talking!" "Chouji! I can't breathe!" "You're calling me fat!" "No, but they could sent a NASA-satelite on your orbit! Get off of me!" "Shino, can you hear anything!" "Your talking is like a buzz of bees in my ears…" "Now what's that supposed to mean!" "That I can hear YOUR talking TOO WELL." "Shh! Somebody's screaming!" "Oh my God, what have they done to him!" "Maybe they measured his temperature." "Now what's so horrible at that!" "Maybe they didn't but the meter in his mouth…" "Arf!" "Kiba, stop it right now, or I will put Naruto on top of your head!" "SHHHH!"

Ino leaned on the opposite wall and stared at the boys. She let out a long sigh. "Always acting all grown up…"

There was a loud crash. Six boys laid on the floor, all in distorted forms. The door hanged on its own hinges, and the crashed right on Naruto.

"Ow…"

Neji stood on the door way and stared blankly in front of him.

"Umm… Sakura, could you be so kind and walk Neji home? He needs support now."

Neji falled forwards like a tree, right on the door and - of course - Naruto, whit a loud thud.

"Physical support."

Sakura nodded bravely and pried Neji up and started to walk him out. "There, there, we'll just go home and have a cup of tea…"

Tsunade sighed and ran her fingers trough her hair. She kicked Naruto. "C-mon, you rat. Fix your self up." She walked calmly on her office and took a cup of green tea. The woman sat behind her desk and took a long gulp of the warm liquid. "Feels goooood…" She looked up. A group of ninjas thonged on her door way and staerd at her. "Yes, yes… come in, vome in… I think it's better to tell you right now…"

The youngsters silently sneaked nearer. Tsunade drinked some of her tea again. "Okey dokey. I want you guys to know, that what you hear now, must not change your approach to him. He's completely normal and is gonna need all support that you can give him. He still is the same Neji and I trust - as you have come of age - that you can take this situation in the right way. This is seriously unnatural, I think that nothing like this has ever happened before, but the fact just is that… that… somethinghappenedonyourmissionandforsomeunknownreasonNejiispregnant." Tsunade took a deep breath. "There! I said it!"

A group of quiet teens stood in front of her. And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Kiba stretched his shaking arm towards Tsunade.

"Can I have some of that tea?"

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Bite: Oh cwad, this was more fun to write in english, than I ever thought! XD 

Neji: I'll kill you… :growl:

Bite: Oh, you sexy thing! You sound so sexywhen you growl:slurp:

Neji:sweatdrop: You creepy fangirl...

Bite:starts to comb Nejis hair: Okey, you reader, press the review button! Was it good or bad, did it make you laugh?  
Neji: Rhymes…

Bite: I know… And BTW, was my english bad? Becose I'm a finnish girl… giggle

Neji: Don't you dare to make me braids there!

Bite: You noticed? Oh daaaaamn… :sigh: I'll try to update soon, but don't even think to get your hopes up too high... :starts to translate the damn thing:


	2. Shock reactions

Bitenshi: Whee, I'm back!

Neji: Unfortunately…

Bitenshi: Shaddap. And now, to the chapter TWO ¤pose pose¤ of the story! But first, let me have some thankies to rewievers…

Neji: You mean rewievER. ¤stare¤

Bitenshi: Oh boohoo, it was THE FIRST chapter, you goldy locks!

Neji: ¤snort¤ Yeah right…

Bitenshi: Anyways.

**freakenout: **Haha, I quess it is like that… ¤sweatdrop¤ I changed the goddamn summary over a thousand times, becose there was too much text or too less… But, I changed it again and I hope it draws more readers… ¤rolleyes¤ But THANK YOU! My first rewiever! ¤hands a Neji-plushie¤ Every single one who rewievs, gets a present!

Neji: You're buying the readers… ¤whistle¤ hard stuff.

Bitenshi: Shatthefuckup. Oh, and I by the way changed the rating to T (PG13) becose some language and jokes are not suitable for kids in later chapters… ¤evil grin¤

Neji: NOW you're scaring me…

Bitenshi: Disclaimer!

**The legal Disclaimer by Hyuuga Neji: **

Neji: Jeesus christ… Why do you have to take a number of this..?  
Bitenshi: Cuz' it's fun!

Neji: WHATever… Bitenshi doesn't own any of the charecters in this story, or the world that it's happening in. So basicallu, me being pregnant is NOT going to happen in the series, or any of this stupid junk.

Bitenshi: Unless Kishimoto-sama one day will read this and gots an idea and -.

Neji: OH PLEASE, that would NEVER happen! ¤rolleyes¤ Jeesh… So… ¤points to B¤ DOES NOT OWN. Only the story line is hers.

Bitenshi: So no touchy:) And I AM seriously warning about the OOCness of the charecters. Mostly Sasuke...

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**9 MONTHS OF LIVING HELL**

_Shock reactions_

Seven youngsters walked the streets of Konoha. Seven silent youngsters. Suddenly, Ino lift her gaze. She stopped. The other stared at her. She stared in front of her. Slowly, very slowly, she raised her arm and pointed to the horizon. A faint rumble was getting closer. A big, white sand cloud could be seen.

Naruto frowned. "What is it?"

"Is it a sandstorm?" Shikamaru asked.

"Is it a hurricane?" Ino judgested.

"NO", Sasuke began with a mighty voice. "It's Konohas GREEN BALL LIGHTING!"

The dustcloud surged over them. When it became clearer, they were facing a Gods angel… no, wait… well, close enough. They were facing a green revelation and besides him another one stood and the shining of their teeth blinded them.

Gai spread out his arms on top of them and pronounced with pathos: "Be blessed, all my children…" Bling, and a blinding smile. "What a wonderful day!"

Kiba grinned evilly. "Not when you hear the news…"

Gai landed on the world of mortals. "OH!" he yelled, getting everyone to jump in to the air. "I see, that you have come from your wartrip, and got honor to our village. But where is Neji, my protegé, who left us to go to that dangerous mission. Where is he? Let me embrace him, kiss his forehead and recieve him!"

Lee looked at his sensei, with a great admire on his gaze. He dried his tears away. "YES!" he yelled, and everyone jumped. "Where is Neji, my fighting companion! Bring him to me so I can kiss his feet and show him the respect, that he deserves!"

Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Kiba and Shino looked at each other.

"You really want to know?" Chouji asked.

Two nods.

"You wont scream?" Shino made sure.

More nods.

"And you wont get mad?" Naruto said.

Emphatic nods.

"And you believe us?" Shikamaru sighed lazilly.

Two green figures showed the thumbs up, blinged a shining smile and exlaimed in one:

"IT'S A PROMISE!"

Ino pushed Shino. Shino pushed Kiba. Kiba pushed Chouji. Chouji pushed Shikamaru. Shikamaru pushed Naruto. Naruto pushed Sasuke. Sasuke pushed air, tottered a bit, looked at the air beside him for a while and threw a deadly glare to everybody else. He stuffed his arms to his pocket, including his elbows and mumbled:

"Neji'spregnant."

Two head noded a while, stopped and blinked for a minute.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

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Sakura placed tea cups on the table, where Neji sat. The boy just stared nowhere. Sakura poured some tea on the cups in front of Neji and sat on the opposite chair of him. She smiled like the sun and waited.

Silence.

Sakura twirled her hair on her little finger. "Umm… are you okay?" she asked quietly.

DEADLY silence.

Nejis head hit the wooden table, makin a loud 'thud' noise. Sakura was quiet.

Very quiet.

Neji straightened up, jumped up from his chair, slammed his hands on the table and shouted:  
"I'M WHAT?"

Sakura shaked her ear. 'He broke my eardrum. Honestly, he did.' Sakura pulled the sunny smile upon her face again, before saying:

"Pregnant."

Neji stayed quiet after that. TOO quiet. The young Hyuuga collapsed on his chair and stared at Sakura blankly. Sakura felt the silence getting thicker and thicker. And heavier.

'Shannaro! Say something you baka!' her inner self screamed, while she stayed whit her smiling mode. Neji just stared to the 'well-nothing-actually', and then whispered:

"I'm pregnant."

A very long and an uneasy silence.  
"You're what?"

Sakura screamed, while Neji took a 360 degrees whirl. At the doorway of the kitchen stood Hyuuga Hinata, a shopping bag on her hand and her mouth wide open. Neji couldn't now care less, that Sakura had fallen out of her chair and was whining like hell about her hurt forehead.

"Holy shit", Neji whispered, as Hinata dropped the bag to the floor and stared at him.

"Is Neji-nii-san _pregnant_?" Hinata asked quietly. Sakura nodded her head quite a few times.

Silence, which was longer, heavier, deadlier and no doubt uneasier as the other it followed.

There was a loud thud, when Hinata collapsed to the floor, completely out of it. Neji whimpered and held his head.

Hiashi-sama is going to kill me for that… and then, he's going to kill me again, after he hears about this…

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Seven youngsters stared in apathy, as Lee and Gai were shouting to each other, both in a serious drama scene.

"OH WHAT A SHAME!" "HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO _HIM_?"

Ino growled threateningly.

"They wanted to know…" Sasuke mumbled.

"And promised not to scream…" Naruto whined.

"And not to get angry…" Chôji said.

"Well, atleast they believed it immediatly", Shikamaru uttered.

Ino was stamping her foot to the earth. She did not look happy. There was smoke coming out from her ears. Shino poked Kiba, who was like the other, too occupied to stare as Lee fliped his lips in shock.

"Not now Shino."

Shino clanced at Ino. Cold sweat was starting to form to his forehead. Shino poked Kiba a bit harder now.

"C-mon, we're having a crisis here!"

¨Shino turned his gaze to Ino. Panicked, he started to pull Kibas sleeve.

"Goddamit Shino, what on earth can be so important!"  
"Well…"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING, JUST STANDING THERE! WE WERE GOING SOMEWHERE, REMEMBER!"

Inos huge shock wave burst on them.

Everybody stared at Ino now, Gai and Lee whit all their hairs stood up. Slowly, very slowly, both hairs fell on their places and Lee raised his finger to his lips.

FLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP….

Everyone was sweatdropping pretty good, when they watched Lee flipping his lips and Gai walking in a circle, mumbling to himself. Ino was turning blue.

"Eep!" Naruto skviiked, walked to Lee, snatched the boy from his collar and started head over the Hyuuga residence. "Come on guys, we gotta go!"

The other followed him, but turned once around, to see Gai heading towards the woods, mumbling to himself.

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Neji sat, hisface red and his arms on his lap in the chair. Right in front of him were seven pairs of eyes, wich all stared at him. Behind him was Sakura, who was faning Hinatas face, trying to get her awake. Slowly, Neji turned his face to the right, almost bumping into Lee, whoo was leaning to him, staring and flipping his lips like a maniac.

FLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP…

Neji blinked.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

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Bitenshi: ¤lol¤ I LOVE this chapter! My favorite right now! Though I like the scene, were boys are outside the door… ¤mutter mutter¤ 

Neji: That's what the rewiever should say… ¤sigh¤

Bitenshi: I'm a selfloving bastard, mmmkay?

Neji: ¤snort¤ Tell me something I DON'T know…

Bitenshi: I'll forgive that one. Ahem… I need your advices, you mighty readers. Is "flipping lips" a good term? Or do you have any better one, becose it bothers me… I would like to fix my mistakes…

Neji: You COULD ask your sister.

Bitenshi: I DOUBT she would know… ¤grumble¤ And she's on that camp… Well, anyhow, please rewiev! I want to know every single person that reads this! ¤grr¤ If you don't rewiev, I will bite you!

Neji: ¤drinks tea¤ Now look who's the animal…

Bitenshi: Shaddap… And by the way, you can vote for pairings to this fic. Say what would be cute! And the pairings don't have to be Neji centric! Anyother charecters too! C-mon, say what you would like to see! Yaoi or Het, or Yuri…

Neji: Yuri? You don't even write Yuri.

Bitenshi: I'm eager to try…

Neji: Liar.

Bitenshi: ¤sob¤ You mean Hyuuga…


End file.
